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Donald Trump Didn’t Want You To See

 

1. The alleged mistress.

No campaign is complete without an appearance from a mistress. In this case, it’s former Playboy Playmate, Karen McDougal. She claims that she had a tryst with Trump in 2006, the year after he married Melania. The story made some headlines, and McDougal can certainly prove she’s at least met him, but it didn’t blow up the way some thought it should. Her account never made it to the tabloids, but Karen did get paid. Hmmmm.

2. Not the photo op he was hoping for.

When politicians hit the pavement, there’s a lot of work to be done. You have to meet your constituency and energize your base. You also do a fair bit of schmoozing, and hopefully kiss a baby or two. These two wee ones were less than pleased to be enveloped in the arms of Donald Trump. Trump made light of the moment by imitating the fussy babies, but it still serves as a metaphor for how many citizens in the States currently feel.

3. His long-standing friendship with Hillary is well-documented.

During the election, everyone saw the photo of the Clintons hanging out at Donald and Melania’s wedding. Supporters of his brushed it off, calling it a casual, almost incidental, appearance. But this photo featuring Trump’s comments say otherwise. He is a longtime fan of Hillary’s! Here he is with Mrs. Clinton and two of his sons, who probably didn’t dress themselves.

4. Oh, more meetups with the Clintons.

Last year, Trump had a lot of unkind things to say about the Clintons. It seemed that there was no limit to his ire. But as time (and the internet) has revealed, that’s a recent development. Here he is sharing a laugh with former president Bill Clinton. No comment on what Trump is up to with his (really quite large, not at all tiny) hand down there.

5. He really loves his pageant contestants.

Oooh, he’s a bad boy when it comes to pretty ladies. One of Trump’s most passionate ventures has been beauty pageants. He previously owned the Miss Universe contest, among others. Contestants have come forward to complain about Donald’s penchant for walking in and out of their dressing areas as he chooses. Stefania Fernandez, the winner shown here, is doing a good job of keeping her cool and defending her personal space

6. Too close?

Looking at these photos of Donald with daughter Ivanka, it’s all a matter of opinion. Some parents are more affectionate than others. Sitting in your father’s lap can be a normal and appropriate display of comfort and security. There has perhaps been no female more important to Donald than his eldest daughter. It’s kind of sweet, is it not?

7. Perhaps.

Yeah, it would be heartwarming, except Donald has deepened suspicion with questionable comments. He told Howard Stern that Ivanka has “the best body”. How would you know, Mr. Trump? He also told Rolling Stone that “if she weren’t his daughter…”. Excuse you, Donald?

8. Not enough hairspray.

Ah, the perplexing work of art that is Donald Trump’s hair. For years, many claimed that it was an awful toupee, but get real. No wigmaker would manufacture that. Trump sports a classic comb-over, growing his hair out long on one side to be carefully arranged across his head. On this day, Melania hid the hairspray.

9. Say ‘cheese’!

Surely you can relate. You smile for the camera, and later find that your eyes were closed. Such was the case on this day for Donald. Something tells us that this one isn’t on display in the White House. But you never know, maybe Steve Bannon has it framed on his mantel.

10. He actually loves SNL.

Over the past few months, Trump has really let Saturday Night Live have it. The POTUS is extremely angry over negative portrayals of him on the sketch comedy show. But he was whistling a different tune not so long ago. He was very proud to have hosted the show in 2015. These days, he calls the show a tragic failure, and claims that no one watches it anymore. Meanwhile, viewers can’t get enough of Alec Baldwin’s impressions of him.

11. A for effort, Mr. President.

Here’s our president throwing the opening pitch at a baseball game. He’s really putting his all into it! You know, one thing about this photo is sure to bother him. He’s complained about photos that show his double chin. Glad he let his guard down for this snap.

12. Not very presidential.

Donald Trump will get his point across. In doing so, he will use hyperbole, make impossible promises, ridiculous facial expressions, and wild gestures. What’s that you say? His hands are tiny? How dare you! They are huge hands, terrific hands. Everyone says they are the best hands.

13. Finally, a new ‘do!

Okay, okay, this photo isn’t authentic. It’s a crafty Photoshop piece that sure is amusing. The POTUS trades his epic comb-over for an on-trend man bun. It does kind of suit him. Maybe on your days off, Mr. President?

 

14. He really hates his double chin.

Rumor has it that this is Trump’s least favorite photo of himself. He doesn’t want it published anywhere. How much do you want to bet that anyone who does is peddling “fake news”? Here’s the truth. Slackening of the skin is completely normal with age. Millions of people have double chins, and the world continues to spin.

15. Too little, too late. And still wrong.

Trump stood out early on for his intolerance toward Mexican immigrants, to the point where he came off as racist to many. The future POTUS decided to smooth things over last year by eating a taco bowl on Cinco De Mayo and posting the pic. What’s the problem? Taco bowls are not authentic Mexican fare. And even if they were, he says that the best ones are made at Trump Tower Grill in NYC. He capped this off by proclaiming, “I love Hispanics!” Sure.

16. More canoodling with his teen daughter!

Okay, scratch that statement explaining that a daughter sitting in her father’s lap can be normal. It certainly can, but these two are pushing it. Seriously, did Ivanka do anything during her teen years except go to school, pose for the cameras, and cuddle with Daddy? Here she is grinding on Dad’s lap during a concert. Donald’s focused on the show, but the man on the right seems to speak for us all – “What exactly is going on with these two?”

17. Quite an animated speaker.

Donald’s scathing remarks played second fiddle to the viral images that emerged from the campaign trail. This photo features a combination of his least favorite qualities. For one, it was taken with the camera facing up, exposing his chins. This angle is also not the most flattering perspective from which to admire his totally adequately-sized hands. And finally, that’s the exact face-scrunch that Alec Baldwin is practicing right now.

18. He did a pretty good job, too.

Maybe that sounds generous, but he was a very good sport. Here he is doing his rendition of Drake’s popular music video, “Hotline Bling”. He dropped his intense façade and even wore a lighter suit. He’s not much of a singer, and his dance moves are typical of a 70-year old man, but he might actually be having harmless fun. Very humanizing.

19. His words, not ours.

After Obama won reelection in 2012, Trump was fuming. And what better place to express his anger than on his favorite social media site, Twitter? Trump also called the electoral college a “disaster” for democracy. The irony! Four years later, he lost the popular vote by millions and won via the electoral college. Naturally, he changed his tune quickly, saying the electoral college is “actually genius”. What a surprise.

20. LOG OUT, DONNY.

As proven by millions of women who marched across the country in protest the day after his inauguration, the majority of Trump’s fans are not female. This incident is just one of many that sparked the new gender revolution. While campaigning for the Republican nomination, Trump attacked Ted Cruz’s wife, Heidi. The image is intended to give the impression that Trump is better than Cruz because his wife looks prettier. Although Trump is not above dragging his adversaries’ families through the mud, he hates it when the same happens to his loved ones. Still, this photo won’t help Melania’s allegedly-forthcoming “anti-cyberbully” work.

21. *eyeroll*

Among the most contentious issues brought forth by his campaign, climate change proved to be very divisive. Trump’s administration denies global warming, despite scientific evidence to the contrary. The climate change page was even removed from the official White House website, and the Environmental Protection Agency is in jeopardy. Unfortunately, this tweet proves that Trump lacks a fundamental understanding of the science behind climate change. Freezing temperatures and increased precipitation are often the result of slow-moving jet streams caused by melting Arctic ice.

22. There’s no way around it – he’s really orange.

Trump hasn’t made friends with scientists, women, or Mexicans. But he sure does love a nice artificial tan. In recent years, Trump has become known more and more for his orangey pallor. One good thing about this is that he makes sure to avoid the delicate eye area. Hey, if you want to be remembered, you have to have personal style, and this is his.

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